• Brides

  • 20.Jul
  • Brides-July 2011-Wait, I Can’t Just Have a Wedding?
  • Heyo everyone.  I know it’s been quite a long time since I have shared my lack of knowledge on the female gender. Sorry about that. I’ve been kind of busy trying to become an adult.  That’s a whole other topic in itself.  Anyway, despite my best efforts months ago, I do believe my knowledge of […]

  • Vogue February 2011

  • 07.Mar
  • First Post…Vogue Feb. 2011…Welcome to A Lot of Ads…
  • The first magazine I decided to sit down and read was Vogue from February 2011.  It has Kristen Stewart on the cover (the girl from Twilight) making some weird, sexy, zoolander type face.  I was immediately drawn to the sub-headline (not sure exactly what it’s called) “Perfect Hair at What Risk?” but we’ll get to […]

  • Cosmopolitan-March 2011

  • 09.Mar
  • Cosmopolitan-March 2011-I’m a Visual Person
  • For my next foray into women’s magazines I decided to read Cosmopolitan.  Now, if we were comparing Vogue and Cosmo to actual women, I would say that Vogue is the smart, confident, motivated girl who went to grad school and is now settled down with a family.  If I were to describe Cosmo it would […]

Self Magazine.  Wow.  What an experience.  This magazine felt as if I was talking to a crazed, sleep deprived genius.  If Self were an actual woman, I feel that she would be divorced at least twice.  Anyway, the cover was great because the incredible Minka Kelly was on it.  The cover also claimed that there were ‘3,815 FREEBIES INSIDE’—I beg to differ because this magazine cost me $4.21 and I saw no freebies inside.  Clearly, Self and I are off to a good start….Anyway let’s get started…


Self in itself has short snippets of information for each section, not a lot of long articles here.  It covers a wide range of topics (as most these publications do) but does it in a frantic, almost crazed pace.  At times it read like a motivational pamphlet and then like a medical journal.



Does Anyone Else Find this Inappropriate?

The ad to the right—just freaked me out


First section I went to was ‘The 10 Hair Color Commandments’ and it brought up an interesting fact: that women actually have a relationship with their hair.  As I’ve said before I have had the same haircut since sperm, and don’t do anything to my hair.  It just kind of sits there.  I do know some men who do have a very close relationship with their hair, but it just doesn’t seem worth it to me.  Hair for men is different for women, because (in my opinion) hair can actually deter a woman’s attractiveness.  Whereas hair for men can only enhance their appearance (I’m not including bald men here—but they have done alright in life) because if a man does take care of his hair then that shows he is image conscious and women tend to enjoy that trait.


Minka Kelly is super hot.  That’s pretty much it.  As with most celebrities she “embraces her imperfections”.  Another interesting thing here, it seems that women need to be reassured that other women also have insecurities about their bodies so that they to can feel okay about it.  This isn’t something that men address too much and if we do, we actually make fun of other men for ‘letting themselves go’.


There were several pieces that dealt with how women can enjoy their ‘me’ time.  Essentially, these pieces gave women advice on how to relax and seemed to have an underlying meaning, which is that women are stressed out a lot.  Self never came out and said it directly but with the tone and frequency of these types of pieces it was clear: women are stressed more and more these days.

Sometimes you need stop and smell the roses...

I was thrown off by the title to this article, ‘I Cheated on My Husband With Food’.  I thought it was going to go in an entirely different direction.  Anyway, this article dealt with something that seems to affect a lot of women:  food.  What to eat, when to eat and how to feel when you eat something was another theme that was present throughout Self.   How many calories per meal? Can I eat this and not gain weight? I will say that men do have this problem as well, but I don’t think it affects men the same way it does women.  It’s a badge of honor if a man can eat a lot.  It shows that he is a ‘man’ according to society.  Obviously, men want to be in shape and healthy, but if a man can eat a lot around other men, as stupid as it sounds—it’s impressive.  The fact that he can down 2 boxes of Krispy Kremes in fifteen minutes (don’t judge) is both impressive and something that other men will talk about in an admiring way.  If a woman did that, I don’t think too many guys would be asking for her number….

See how this could be confusing?



Fun Fact: Did you know that your nails harbor bacteria and that biting them can cause you to digest this bacteria?


Fashion Lesson #1: Three types of nail styles: Silvery Slivers, French Flipped and Etherreal Edges…I am now Stupendously Smarter


Another article about how women can modify their face with makeup…

3 Steps if you want to look younger by using makeup:

Protect-sunscreen, water, and eye cream

Intensify-eye pencils-draw on your eye

Volumize-give attention to lower lashes


This continues to amaze me. Maybe I can end up looking like this if I wear enough makeup…


Moving on…Fashion Lesson #2: Striped shoes will make your look and spirits soar


I'm learning...

Sidenote:  They mention the urkel jeans in this issue as a trend.  I felt pretty cool that I knew about this.


3 Types of Butts that Women Have:

Flat Butt

Low Butt

Full Butt


I think I’m a combination of all three….


The term ‘boy shape’ came up again…so if women can be ‘boy shape’—what is the male equivalent?  Girl shape? But then if men can be girl shaped and women can boy shaped, doesn’t that mean that those two body types are shaped the same?  I need a Tylenol…


A small piece on exercise and who your partner should be: “Unfit friends make you significantly more likely to work out less often and let healthy eating habits slide”.  As I mentioned before with the hair, everything a women does seems to be some sort of relationship.  From their clothes to workout partners, they gain something from these relationships and it also represents them as people. I don’t think men go into too much thought about who they go to the gym with, probably because we don’t put too much thought into anything….


Women have attire for everything—even working out.  The total of the clothes Self suggests for working out exceeds $700.  This is the shirt that I wore to workout in….


I always find it interesting how most of these publications have a section dealing with how celebrities work out.  Do you know how much money these people pay nutritionists, trainers and chefs to look like that?  I don’t think PX90 is going to make anyone look like Demi Moore when they are 50.  But you know what will?  Botox, 20 million dollars, ridiculous amounts of plastic surgery and people working for you full time to make sure you do look like that…


With that theme the ‘Celeb-Tested Toners’ section shows that jazz hands is a credible exercise move….

Jazz Hands!


This fun fact ruined frozen burritos for me: chemicals in paper food wrapping may seep into food…which have been linked to cancer…Doctor’s just ruin anything fun….


Fun Fact: Did you know that ‘heritage’ breeds of chicken are actually healthier to eat…older is always better in some cases…example: Star Wars


A section that was close to my heart was entitled, ‘Can I Eat That?’…this is what I usually ask anyone who eats with me—referring to their unfinished meal.  My favorite questions from this section (supposedly asked by real adults):

Is it OK to trim off the moldy parts of cheese, fruit and yogurt and eat the rest?

The following question explains how I survived college:

Those leftovers have been in the fridge a few days, but they smell fine.  Toss or try?

Definitely TRY

I got very excited to see a quiz on allergies; only problem was they had the answer right below the multiple choices.  C’mon Self, I need to know if I’m an allergy expert!


Fashion Lesson #3: Reddish orange is in


Ok now for the creepiest, scariest article I have read thus far in this experiment: ‘Your Backyard: Bites Back’ No real insights here, just that ticks are some seriously dangerous creatures and can potentially kill you.  This goes along with Self’s frantic pace and random sections it had throughout this issue.  And what other appropriate section should follow when you’ve just done a two-page spread on how household bugs can kill you…that’s right…



This season’s top makeup trends!

So that’s Self Magazine.  It was quite interesting and covered a wide range of topics.  It was all over the place, but tried to keep a positive tone throughout the magazine.  It covers a lot of health and medical issues but Self never seemed to want to hit topics straight on but sidestep them and create a positive outlook instead.  As the editor claims, “we speak to women’s instincts, not the worst”.  From dealing with ticks, nutrition, fashion and relationships, Self hopes to motivate and encourage women.


Key Learnings:

-Women are always looking to improve their body image for not only themselves but also for others

-Women are stressed, and need to know that it is okay to relax at times

-Every aspect of a woman can be seen as a personal relationship—from their hair to fashion—it’s all an aspect of them and what they represent


Until next time…


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